Monday, April 7, 2008

Annual Humiliation

Now that I've saved the NHL, it's time to undercut all of the excellent points that I made by demonstrating just how horribly I can predict the winners of the NHL Playoffs. It's a bit of a tradition, I pick teams to win, they do horribly, I thank God that I'm not a gambler.
So, here it goes:

ROUND 1
East
Montreal v. Boston
Every year the S.W. watches Montreal in the regular season and is very impressed by what he sees. Every year he picks them to do something good in the post season. Every year he looks like an idiot. This year, with Saku Koivu out and facing a Claude Julien coached Boston team that flew under the radar, the S.W. is going to do it again and pick Montreal for this round. I never seem to learn.


Pittsburgh v. Ottawa
Man, what the heck happened to Ottawa after October? Can they rally? The S.W. really thinks Crosby is an over-hyped whiner and that Malkin lacks the grit to do well in the playoffs, but the Senators need to make a major turnaround at the most difficult time of year to pull this one out. Pittsburgh.

Washington v. Philly
The Flyers are another team that started great and became roadkill later in the season. Apparently you don't play as well when you can't send all of the opposition players off the ice on stretchers. Washington barely made the playoffs from the pathetic SE division, but the late acquisition of Federov and Huet with Ovechkin's play down the stretch (Ovechkin seeming to be the real deal, unlike Sid the Whiner) makes them a team I wouldn't particularly want to play. Washington

New Jersey v. New York (Rangers)
Neither of these teams strikes me as particularly special this year. I'm going to give it to New York, just because Sean Avery is such a prick, he'll probably disrupt N.J. just enough to make a difference.

West
Detroit v. Nashville
Detroit is my team so I never see things objectively when it comes to them. They are the most talented team in the NHL, but heart and determination win Lord Stanley's cup. Can Babcock get them there? Judging by their play down the stretch, no he can't. That said, they should be able to get by Nashville, though I won't be shocked if they don't. Detroit.

San Jose v. Calgary
Every damn year those idiots at ESPN get together and anoint the Sharks as the inevitable Stanley Cup champions. Every year the Sharks embarrass themselves. This year though, I think it's their year. A stopped watch is right twice a day, you know... unless it's got an indicator for AM or PM, then it's only right once a day. San Jose.

Minneapolis v. Denver
Man, how many times do we have to see this match-up? On paper, the Avalanche are an amazing team. In person, not so much. Is it me or does the Wild field the exact same team of robots every year? Colorado will take this one, but it won't be pretty.

Anaheim v. Dallas
Man, this one was easy until Dallas got themselves a Brad Richards (everyone should get one). The Anaheim team, on paper, is a better team than the one that won the Cup last year. But will they have the jump and drive that allowed them to pummel nearly everyone? It really doesn't look like they do. The other big question is which version of Marty Turco will show up? Anaheim. I'm really iffy on this one.

ROUND 2
East
Assuming I got the first round correct (HA!) the East will reseed as such:
Montreal v. New York (Rangers)
Man, why did I pick the Rangers? What was I thinking. I need to go into damage control mode here and pick Montreal. I can see the Habs ruining my bracket for yet another year.

Pittsburgh v. Washington
Sid the Kid versus Alexander the Great. The east obsessed sports media (those that are aware of hockey anyway) are going to love this one. It may be worth watching. Hard to say. Washington.

West
Detroit v. Denver
Ahh, for days gone by. The rivalry isn't what it used to me. The S.W. for one hates the Ducks way more at this point than he hates the Avalanche. Detroit doesn't get me all fired up this year, but I think they can beat a relatively uninspired Colorado team. Detroit.

San Jose v. Anaheim
See Round 1 analysis: I think San Jose has it this year. This would be a great match-up though.


ROUND 3
East
Montreal v. Washington
How the hell did the Habs get here? I have to pick Washington to go to the finals to not pick Montreal? No wonder I always do so poorly on these things. Umm... do I think lead will spontaneously turn to gold or that the sun will rise in the west... Lets go with the lead to gold one: Washington.

West
Detroit v. San Jose
See Round 1 analysis. San Jose.


FINALS
San Jose v. Washington
San Jose will win it all causing people in Boston to scratch their heads and say, "Didn't that Joe Thorton guy used to play for us?"


Want to play along? Post your picks (or a link to your picks) in the comments section. One point for every correct 1st round winner, 2 points for 2nd round winners, etc. Tie breaker: How many total goals will be scored in the Finals? S.W. goes with 29. The one with the most points wins the right to taunt the S.W. for months on end and perhaps other fabulous prizes.

5 comments:

s.w. said...

Picks for the Official Wife of the Sarcastic Weasel:

Round 1:
East:
Montreal
Pittsburgh
Washington
New Jersey

West:
Detroit
San Jose
Colorado
Anaheim


2nd Round:
East:
Montreal
Washington

West:
Detroit
San Jose


3rd Round:
East:
Montreal

West:
San Jose


Cup Winner:
Montreal

Tie Breaker:
18

ish said...

OMG, we have almost the exact same picks, which means we are both VERY VERY wrong. And I made mine on Sunday night before I left to go sailing so I couldn't have my terrible logic interfered with by your terrible logic.

http://www.ktismael.com/mt/archives/000297.html

Ah well, I think I still owe you the Guinness from last year.

Anonymous said...

Can I be the Unofficial wife of the sarcastic weasel?

Round 1:
Montreal
Pittsburgh
Philadelphia
New York
Detroit
San Jose
Colorado
Anaheim

Round 2:
Montreal
Philadelphia
Colorado
San Jose

Round 3:
Montreal
Colorado

Champion:
Montreal

Let it be known that this is the first time I have let a hometown bias dictate a pick in any sort of bracket (see Avs over Red Wings, and, I guess, Avs over Sharks). But it's about time for a cup run so Sakic can retire in peace. Plus, what do I know about hockey?

~ATZ

s.w. said...

ATZ said:

"Can I be the Unofficial wife of the sarcastic weasel?"

According to the Official Wife, you already are.

ish said...

Well, you've proven correct about Avery already.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/playoffs2008/news/story?id=3346729&campaign=rss&source=NHLHeadlines